PHONY CONVERSATIONS that squeeze 12 brand name mentions and six product benefits into 30 seconds of airtime are a staple of radio advertising. They’re also a major reason why radio ads are so feeble. You know the sort of thing. Despairing young housewife: “Oh, Mary, what am I going to do about my dirty dishes? They never seem to come up bright and shiny like yours.”
Mary: “Why don’t you try Moonlight Liquid with Fixiwash? I use Moonlight Liquid with Fixiwash every day and my dishes look amazing. And Moonlight Liquid with Fixiwash is so easy to use. Just put a capful of Moonlight with Fixiwash into your washing water and Moonlight liquid with Fixiwash makes them so bright you need sunglasses to protect your eyes.”
“Really? Is Moonlight Liquid with Fixiwash really so amazing?”
“Yes – and Moonlight with Fixiwash also repairs chips in your plates automatically while you wash. And you can use Moonlight Liquid with Fixiwash to fertilise your garden, repair broken tiles and drink as a laxative.”
Sound of laughter fades away as we cut to next scene, some days later.
Mary: “I can see you’re using Moonlight Liquid with Fixiwash now.”
Despairing: “Yes, Mary. Moonlight Liquid with Fixiwash really has changed my life. Since I started using Moonlight Liquid with Fixiwash I’ve plenty of time for tennis and bridge. And I’m always on the toilet. Thank you, Moonlight Liquid with Fixiwash.” (Sounds of happy laughter against background of dishwashing noises.)
In this creative desert there’s a massive opportunity for copywriters to produce award-winning advertising. Come on, guys! Enough is enough.